http://moreintelligentlife.com/story/david-foster-wallace-in-his-own-words
This is super long, but really important. I have felt like I have been snapping in and out of what he refers to as, auto-pilot recently. I think this the real purpose of prayer, meditation and the discipline of reading God's word. Something has to snap me out of, not just thinking about myself, but thinking in the way that I naturally think. God knows I've found that my rabbit trails make me a useless and miserable person. I need to be reminded about the "water" that surrounds me. That seems to be the great struggle of life, remembering those life fulfilling things that are right in front of you as you live out a monotonous and repetitive life.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Church
I am about 6 months from graduating from nursing school. It was such a shift in thought and it felt good to get out of the realm of ideas for awhile. I feel like I was stuck in the theoretical and we were always learning about loving our neighbors and being the love of God so, I wanted to go out and do
that! I feel like I have now learned a set of skills that will better prepare me to love others and open up many doors of opportunity that might have otherwise been closed. It has also served other purposes
along the way. I am writing because I don't really go to church anymore. I still love God more than anything but there are so many things that happen in the church that I cannot get past. Maybe it's
because I'm young and idealistic or maybe because the core message of Christ seems to have been lost. I know there are good people serving the church out there, and I think their efforts are valiant, but I
hate feeling like I can't be myself in church. I don't want to be two people and I find that I am not accepted well otherwise. I originally set out to be a minister but at this point I don't think my views and
my lifestyle would be accepted. I have a drink here and there and I watch some R rated movies. I feel like I'm always looked down upon if I say a cuss word or talk about Flight of the Concords at church. The stark realization that I had this morning was that the classroom was my church when I was studying theology. It was my gathering together of believers, the place where my overactive mind worshiped the living God. I have not had that church in over 2 years now and I don't know what to do with myself.
that! I feel like I have now learned a set of skills that will better prepare me to love others and open up many doors of opportunity that might have otherwise been closed. It has also served other purposes
along the way. I am writing because I don't really go to church anymore. I still love God more than anything but there are so many things that happen in the church that I cannot get past. Maybe it's
because I'm young and idealistic or maybe because the core message of Christ seems to have been lost. I know there are good people serving the church out there, and I think their efforts are valiant, but I
hate feeling like I can't be myself in church. I don't want to be two people and I find that I am not accepted well otherwise. I originally set out to be a minister but at this point I don't think my views and
my lifestyle would be accepted. I have a drink here and there and I watch some R rated movies. I feel like I'm always looked down upon if I say a cuss word or talk about Flight of the Concords at church. The stark realization that I had this morning was that the classroom was my church when I was studying theology. It was my gathering together of believers, the place where my overactive mind worshiped the living God. I have not had that church in over 2 years now and I don't know what to do with myself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)