Monday, March 29, 2010
Attention All Women!
May I have your attention please? I have an important announcement to make. Contrary to popular belief-you may still be insecure, needy, clingy and manipulative even after getting married!!! I repeat! You may still feel insecure even after entering into a matrimonial contract. I know what you are thinking...but what about the wedding dress???? Is that not the magic talisman that wards off all such feminine craziness? If that doesn't work then surely the walk down the aisle counts towards some degree of transformation? You've got the man so now you can be happy right? Lies, all lies I tell you! Sure, the rings, the commitment and the words of reassurance may be there but tell me who's going to believe them? You're still stuck with the same PMSing, self-loathing, insecure you. It looks like something is actually going to have to change; and that something is you.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Texting and dating
They say that texting and driving is dangerous...I am guilty but I agree! What you don't hear is how dangerous texting and dating is! Seriously-more mixed messages have been sent over text than through any other medium. If a love is on the rocks, I'm convinced that texting will kill it dead! Forget the evils of facebook stalking, this is FAR worse! On facebook you can let your inner busybody/stalker out. It's a healthy outlet for a not so healthy curiosity. But texting...Oh the games we play! We find ourselves getting asked out on dates and broken up with via text. I do it all the time-If the situation gets uncomfortable it's much easier to confront problems in black and white than to deal with them within the messy colors of human emotion! I found out that my brother had a baby via text...The worst is when you are in the middle of an important conversation and that text is delayed or the phone dies! Our emotions are on a perpetual rollercoaster that ends and begins with that message chime on your Blackberry. I'm going to try something new...no important conversations via text...can it be done?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
More things I don't know
We’ve all been in those situations with people that think they know everything right? Extremely annoying in my opinion! Yeah, I definitely have a tendency to be one of those people…always have. I’ve also always found myself somehow being the leader in whatever situation I find myself. I take charge and I must seem like I know what I’m talking about. Well, I used to be like that. I’m not completely different but I realized that I am in absolutely NO leadership position! And I haven’t been in like 2 years!
Something happened. It all started when I was in undergrad. For a long time I thought I really knew what I was talking about. And don’t worry, I would make sure that you knew that I thought I knew what I was talking about! I believed that I was, UNLIKE so many others, on the right path. I was doing what God wanted me to do regardless of what everyone thought of me.On top of all of this, I was dead set on being the best. I wanted to be praised, recognized, and noticed.
The thing that saved me and is still saving me, is God, to be sure. I asked Him to show me the truth, and He did. The truth, in this case, was that I was wrong. I spoke out loudly like a fool on all the wrong things. This realization was like being punched in the stomach, hunched over and embarrassed that I needed to gasp for breath. I was so utterly and deeply disappointed because all the time I thought I was doing what God was asking of me. I thought I had found His heart. What I had really found was some other person’s interpretation of it.
This shifted something so permanently within me that I am now rarely sure of myself. I am more reserved about speaking up about what I think. I am not particularly eager to share my thoughts with the hope that they might change someone’s life (that’s the way I used to think before). I always wanted to tell everyone what God was teaching me and I wasn’t afraid to jump in. I just hate the attitude that was behind my words. I don’t want to try to teach someone something because I feel like, at the same time, I’m saying, “listen to me, I know more than you.”
I’m so scared of being there again. In this place where I think I’m better than someone else or have something that they don’t. It’s not right and it’s not God. It’s not the Gospel.
But then there’s this other part of me that says, “we all have things to teach each other and to offer,” and “it’s ok to speak up if you are really trying to help someone else.” I’m always torn between these two ways of thinking. How do I share the things that God has taught me and use the gifts that He has given me without feeling, in the end, like I’m better than someone else or have something that they don’t? I truly don’t know. It’s a definite struggle for me. Maybe you don’t have that struggle at all, lucky.
So, if I’ve faded from the Amanda I used to be it’s because I’m trying to figure this stuff out. How do I keep my peace with God and love others while being in a position of leadership? I’m not sure because it seems like all leaders do is try to tell everyone what they should and shouldn’t do. But what do they really know? And to be honest with you, I know a few key truths but after that, I’ve got nothing!
There’s part of me that still wants to be the one people come to for answers. But all I can do is tell them about all of the things that I don’t know.
Something happened. It all started when I was in undergrad. For a long time I thought I really knew what I was talking about. And don’t worry, I would make sure that you knew that I thought I knew what I was talking about! I believed that I was, UNLIKE so many others, on the right path. I was doing what God wanted me to do regardless of what everyone thought of me.On top of all of this, I was dead set on being the best. I wanted to be praised, recognized, and noticed.
The thing that saved me and is still saving me, is God, to be sure. I asked Him to show me the truth, and He did. The truth, in this case, was that I was wrong. I spoke out loudly like a fool on all the wrong things. This realization was like being punched in the stomach, hunched over and embarrassed that I needed to gasp for breath. I was so utterly and deeply disappointed because all the time I thought I was doing what God was asking of me. I thought I had found His heart. What I had really found was some other person’s interpretation of it.
This shifted something so permanently within me that I am now rarely sure of myself. I am more reserved about speaking up about what I think. I am not particularly eager to share my thoughts with the hope that they might change someone’s life (that’s the way I used to think before). I always wanted to tell everyone what God was teaching me and I wasn’t afraid to jump in. I just hate the attitude that was behind my words. I don’t want to try to teach someone something because I feel like, at the same time, I’m saying, “listen to me, I know more than you.”
I’m so scared of being there again. In this place where I think I’m better than someone else or have something that they don’t. It’s not right and it’s not God. It’s not the Gospel.
But then there’s this other part of me that says, “we all have things to teach each other and to offer,” and “it’s ok to speak up if you are really trying to help someone else.” I’m always torn between these two ways of thinking. How do I share the things that God has taught me and use the gifts that He has given me without feeling, in the end, like I’m better than someone else or have something that they don’t? I truly don’t know. It’s a definite struggle for me. Maybe you don’t have that struggle at all, lucky.
So, if I’ve faded from the Amanda I used to be it’s because I’m trying to figure this stuff out. How do I keep my peace with God and love others while being in a position of leadership? I’m not sure because it seems like all leaders do is try to tell everyone what they should and shouldn’t do. But what do they really know? And to be honest with you, I know a few key truths but after that, I’ve got nothing!
There’s part of me that still wants to be the one people come to for answers. But all I can do is tell them about all of the things that I don’t know.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Decision Time
I have been reading this book by Leo Tolstoy called “The Kingdom of God is Within You.” I have only made it through the first 30 pages because it has brought me to a place that demands a decision. I have to stare the ideas that have been put before me in the face and decide what I will do with them. I don’t take these decisions lightly and I mull them over for periods of time before they are either discarded or acclimated to my worldview.
Tolstoy looks at the world through the eyes of non-resistance. It’s a non-violent approach to life and to Christianity. I’ve heard people speak against war and in favor of forgiveness but this is something different. Maybe I haven’t heard them yet because I haven’t lived long enough, or perhaps it’s because they are rarely spoken.
Tolstoy is the man who would say that Christ demands that our forgiveness reach outside the confines of our culture to an expression that brings the Kingdom of God to earth. In the common and accepted expression of our times it would go something like this; you stole my money so I’ll have you tried by a jury of your peers and locked away. While you are incarcerated I will work towards an inner forgiveness of your offenses against me and I will pray that you find forgiveness from God. Happens everyday right? But what if it went more like this; you stole money from me-I forgive you.
People wrong us. They hurt those that we love and they take the things that we have worked hard for. How should we respond as followers of Christ? Having someone arrested and locked up is just the norm. It’s what we do here in America when someone does something wrong. If you end up in jail then you got there because you did something to deserve it. If we bomb your country it’s because you bombed ours first. Even Christians can support that right?
It’s really amazing me how incompatible these widely accepted ideas are with the Gospel of Christ. Loving your enemies, turning the other cheek, casting the first stone and the list goes on. I know there are some examples that would support our current ideas in the Old Testament but what about under the New Law? The law of grace where you come as you are? How has this blatant contradiction escaped the church’s attention and even my attention as a devout Christian? I almost think it may not be present because it is never introduced! Maybe embracing total love and forgiveness just costs too much. Is it just too hard to care about a stranger as much we do our own loved ones? Of course I naturally care more about my sister than I do the man who might try to attack her on her way to her car. Would I lock that man up to keep my sister from harm? What if I loved them both equally and saw them both as children of God?
What did Christ mean by forgiving those who trespass against us?
So here I am again at this wall. Do I climb over to start a new life on the other side? I could always turn around and forget that I ever saw it. Either way, a decision has to be made.
Tolstoy looks at the world through the eyes of non-resistance. It’s a non-violent approach to life and to Christianity. I’ve heard people speak against war and in favor of forgiveness but this is something different. Maybe I haven’t heard them yet because I haven’t lived long enough, or perhaps it’s because they are rarely spoken.
Tolstoy is the man who would say that Christ demands that our forgiveness reach outside the confines of our culture to an expression that brings the Kingdom of God to earth. In the common and accepted expression of our times it would go something like this; you stole my money so I’ll have you tried by a jury of your peers and locked away. While you are incarcerated I will work towards an inner forgiveness of your offenses against me and I will pray that you find forgiveness from God. Happens everyday right? But what if it went more like this; you stole money from me-I forgive you.
People wrong us. They hurt those that we love and they take the things that we have worked hard for. How should we respond as followers of Christ? Having someone arrested and locked up is just the norm. It’s what we do here in America when someone does something wrong. If you end up in jail then you got there because you did something to deserve it. If we bomb your country it’s because you bombed ours first. Even Christians can support that right?
It’s really amazing me how incompatible these widely accepted ideas are with the Gospel of Christ. Loving your enemies, turning the other cheek, casting the first stone and the list goes on. I know there are some examples that would support our current ideas in the Old Testament but what about under the New Law? The law of grace where you come as you are? How has this blatant contradiction escaped the church’s attention and even my attention as a devout Christian? I almost think it may not be present because it is never introduced! Maybe embracing total love and forgiveness just costs too much. Is it just too hard to care about a stranger as much we do our own loved ones? Of course I naturally care more about my sister than I do the man who might try to attack her on her way to her car. Would I lock that man up to keep my sister from harm? What if I loved them both equally and saw them both as children of God?
What did Christ mean by forgiving those who trespass against us?
So here I am again at this wall. Do I climb over to start a new life on the other side? I could always turn around and forget that I ever saw it. Either way, a decision has to be made.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
It started at the beginning...
I haven't blogged in awhile...I am a child of the Xanga generation and then Xanga dropped off the radar for facebook. But I'm finding that facebook doesn't allow me the adequate word count to say all of the things that are constantly bouncing around this curious brain of mine. And it seems that picking fights with status updates has been quite a temptation! So, in order to peacefully express ideas and inklings of ideas I have returned to blogging! Dun dun dun! It doesn't matter to me if this blog is ever read or not-it's for me. I find that my thoughts put themselves together much better when I turn to writing. Something that might otherwise take me months to gnaw on and digest might take me a week if I'd only sit down and take the time to put it to words. The end goal is that this blog will change ME for the better as I stumble on towards whatever I'm looking for.
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